I'll see you... @ the dark side of the moon...

There's a lot of things running through my head today.
Some of them are about "how am I running (and ruining) my life 'with love'?"
Don't know what to say. But I will say anyway.
Maybe I don't know how to be happy and how to carry on... Maybe I am too attached do myself that any other person coming to know my own world and begging to stay are seeing like an enemy and even if I like that person I will try to push them down only to them wants to get out.

But I am sure I am doing diferent this time. I am.showing everything. The good and the bad. Oh, there's a lot of bad things there. And the good things are greater than the evil ones.
But there's no person used to such a sincerity, this clearness of what I am doing, what I wanted to do and (someway most important) why I cannot do the way I want THIS TIME and what I am doing to change it.
I have been saying that I am in a turttle way, changing very slowly than others see I could do. And the most important person in my world needs me to change finish for yesterday! I am falling in a runnaway just because I feel too afraid to see I can change THIS FAST. Always thinking a 'but...' or a 'if...' 'cause I don't know my own motivation, don't have any goal, be it here from a couple of years or decades... Always imediatist. I do that for that and this for this. From here to there in few steps. I don't expect so much for the future then I don't need to mind with big things. Always thinking small...

One day I said to a lover: I wanna see your best side, to love you, and the worst to see if it is real love or just enchantment. And that was just enchantment...

I am used to be this way: push people to their worst only to show the truth about myself in those terms. I like to know everything. I am thirst of knowledge, and knowing... To know people and try to be right with them.

Too much insecurity to a human being who want to be secure. If there's no hope... Say somethink to me!