You may win... but I wasn't fighting that war you created in your mind.

I could do so many things. I could really want to play this war you imagined but then what? We all would lose. And I am not here to lose.

I still looking for myself... my whole life will be this way and... today what I am is this, tomorrow I could change my mind. But my heart will always ask the same, my mind will think that line alike another previous and the following... I am always here, I will be always me. And THAT IS MY QUEST for life. Losing oneself, finding it again in a piece of past thet connects my present and throw me to the future, jumping some steps that I couldn't see at a time and seemed everything going so fast now, but it is not going that fast. I am now only viewing "all my life in a second" like I am dying... when I am actually living again, and it feels ALL SO GOOD!

Look. You may not want me like I am, but the me you dreamed about, and that me that was eager for approval, eager for being loved, eager for some other place... eager for being not what she was because she thought that was too much for her. And now, look at me! I FEEL ALIVE, and it is not only me thinking  I am living... who saw who see.

May you disapprove some of my companies without disapproving myself? I think no. Its not like you need to love all my moves, but if you do really love me, you won't take that as a challenge, as that war you are planning. Just watch and trust. And then you can be part of this too, or we are losing time again.

Enough! I just wrote too much for one sleepless night. Thinking about. And please, please, don't you try to understand it my misunderstanding it all.


Note: Listen to Six Degrees Of Inner Turbulence (Dream Theater), the 2nd disc.