I need you to talk to me

why the hell I have to mind about people who don't mind?

And I have been this way for all my life along. Can't remember when it comes and sorry know that it won't go out.

If you stop to think about nobody really cares. Even thinking about the line an old fellow said for solving that problems I would be solving not their but mines... when you live a long time, time enought to know that some problems can't be solved, but you still try to solving then. You still trying to carry the world on your back 'cause you think this is the right thing to do, but it is NOT, it's NEVER the right thing to though or to do o to say and you are always wrong.

There's a lot of things coming in and out of my mind this time and so fast i can't write it all.

. . .

And reading old writtings I just have nothing new to say. Those times in silence are just for trying to change something that can't be changed, the only thing/person who can be changed is myself and I am too afraid for this change. And I nedd a really BIG ONE change.

I've been smoking too much. Half of pack only this night that is just starting. And I cannot sleep even so tired how I do, I lay my head on the pillow and the htoughs running prevent me for sleep.